1) When you first enter a studio you will see equipment that looks like it is a mixture of medieval torture devices and sex machines, (my boyfriend’s exact words) but fears not, I promise that your instructor is not going to tie you to the bed.
2) You will learn anatomy terminology so well that you will be able to watch ER and understand what the Dr’s are talking about.
3) Your instructor may ask you to do things like rolling your thoracic spine. Yes, it is part of your body. But before long this will sound normal and you will be asking your instructor if you can roll your thoracic spine?
4) Your instructor will constantly challenge the ability of your innate reflexes such as breathing, by constantly reminding you to breathe, asking questions like are you breathing?
5) Following these questions, you will realise that something you have been able to do from the day you entered the world, now feels like a complex algorithm. Was that inhale, or exhale? Or should I just be holding my breath?
6) Urinary incontinence is something that you will never need to worry about. You will develop pelvic floor strength that will enable you to hold on for eternity. This talent is also useful on winery tours when there is no toilet in site and the next stop is 30 minutes down the road.
7) Your instructor may use cues, such as “Imagine you are balancing a glass of French champagne on your pelvis”. Please be aware that they will not actually be balancing a glass of French champagne on you, disappointing I know.
8) Initially, in class, you may feel like you look like your daggy uncle busting out some dance floor moves. But before long you will own it like Beyoncé, I don’t think your ready for this jelly!
9) Your friends may think that you have joined a cult and that your Pilates instructor is the leader. As you will be soon telling everyone that you are doing Pilates, and convincing them that they should also be doing Pilates because it is AMAZING. “You should come to Pilates.” “Pilates would be great for you. “ “I have Pilates tonight, so I can’t make it”.
10) Whilst they may not want to admit it Pilates instructors can be both naughty and nice. So look out if they have had a rough day your body will know about it by the end of the class.